Groovy Gma with FND

I’m a daughter, a sister, an ex-wife, a mom, a grandma, a veteran, a retired medical assistant, among other things. The main thing I’m going to focus on is the Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) and how it effects my life.

I was diagnosed in March 2025 by an internal medicine physician while I was inpatient for what we thought was Cauda Equina Syndrome, which is a medical emergency that happens when an injury or herniated disk compresses nerve roots at the bottom of your spinal cord. I had low back pain, numb legs, urinary incontinence; I presented to the civilian ER closest to me and was quickly added to the long list of other people in the hospital also waiting for an MRI that afternoon. Due to the potential for a catastrophe with my back if I did indeed have cauda equina, I was admitted for observation; I was 57th in line for my MRI. During my stay, someone started a second IV in my right antecubital fossa. I was in pain from the moment they put it in, and to this day. I have numbness and tingling that radiate down my arm and into my DOMINATE hand. I’m bitter about the bad IV stick.

They finally came to get me for the MRI about 18 hours into my stay. It took a few hours, but a female internal medicine physician came into my room. She explained that the MRI did not show Cauda Equina Syndrome. That was when she sprung the FND diagnosis on me. She explained it poorly; “all your symptoms are fake.” Could she have said a worse statement? Me/ Faking? Um, no bitch. I’m real. I’m not a liar. I’m not a drug seeker. I’m retired medical personnel. I would NEVER fake a medical condition.

I got pissed, got dressed, and went down to the exit adjacent to the ER. I was waiting for my daughter to come pick me up. One of the RNs that was also an Army Nurse came down to d/c the super painful IV that I walked away with. I exclaimed to her that I’m not faking it, that I have real pain and I couldn’t understand why I was being treated this way. She shrugged her shoulders and walked away.

Since then, I’ve seen 3 neurologists from 3 different health systems that all say they can’t help me because they don’t understand FND. They easily rule out the illnesses that the symptoms mimic because they aren’t 100% accurate to any diagnosis. They thought I had MS, but the imaging doesn’t match. I have severe left upper quadrant abdominal pain that comes and goes. I’ve had an abdominal CT with contrast and there was nothing there. I smell car exhaust and cat urine about 50% of the time, even when I’m alone in my apt with all the windows closed. I was cooking gnocci for the first time tonight and all I could smell was cat pee. I wasn’t able to eat it, and will go to bed hungry because if it smells gross even if you know it smells good, it’s not appetizing.

Every time I have a new ache or pain, i wonder if it’s the stupid FND or something real…. not that the FND isn’t real…. but all the symptoms are so damn vague that it can be difficult to treat. My widespread body pain can get overwhelming, and the VA isn’t very good at providing pain medication, so I suffer. I cannot take ibuprofen because of my family cardiac risk, and I have to be careful with Tylenol because I have a fatty liver. Norco gives me a migraine. I have Tramadol 50mg, but I need 1.5 tablets for any real relief.

I love to write and have had an interesting life, so I’m hoping to get more of my life ‘on paper’.