Groovy Gma with FND

My now exhusband and I both have bipolar disorder; I have type One, I haven’t spoken to him in almost five years and have no idea where he is at in his mental health battle. I am the mom to two chilldren with him, Jane is about to be 32 and Tom is 28.

As you can imagine, both of my kids have bipolar. My son, thank goodness, is going to therapy. My daughter, on the other hand, is a volatile mess. She explodes at the tiniest stuff. I know because I recognize my behaviors in her. She’s quick to pass blame, pull things from the past to throw in my face, breaks stuff on a regular basis. She’s put a few dents in her boyfriend’s car…but only after finding out he’s talking to 20+ women on various dating sites and SnapChat. She discovers this on a very regular basis, and for the entirety of their relationship.

I’m also pretty confident that her gestational diabetes with her second child born Summer 2023 did not convert back. She’s had mornings after carb heavy meals that she’s vomiting. She’s been heavy her whole life and has been diagnosed, about ten years ago, with PCOS. Just another hurdle with her weight. She’s always been heavy in her midsection.

My parents kept food from me, trying to keep me thin. Because of that experience, I didn’t hold back with my kids. I didn’t want them to miss out on trends like I did as a kid. My now exhusband was a helicopter mechanic and made, at times, six figures a year…because of that, we were able to afford more expensive food. McDonald was a favorite, pizza too. We’d always go all out and buy extra. We were a fat family.

Now that my daughter is dealing with all this medical crap, I worry constantly. I worry about her safety. When I would get ‘bipolar angry’ I used to self-harm. I had a tendency to hit my head. She likes to punch things and has caused very deep bruises on herself. This, I believe, makes my depression and anxiety worse.

I’m increasing my asenapine, trying to get back to a therapeutic dose. The knucklehead pharmacist that was managing my meds had me at 2.5mg QAM and 5mg QPM. The MH PA that started me on it in 2021 had me at 20mg QPM and that was helping. I’m trying to get back there. I don’t see the new medication manager until December 30, but a car trip to Oregon and back with a minimum of 20 hours each way with my volatile daughter is making me want to make sure my bipolar is under control.